How to Quiet the Comparison Voice

April 14, 2016

It’s been a stressful season.

Bry and I are working our booties off in our marriage, not because things are bad, but because we want them to be great. Deep. On the same page. Confident. And that takes work.

Not sure if it’s their ages, or school, or where they are developmentally, but our boys are requesting and requiring much care and attention. I’m trying to throw the football (which does not come naturally) and sit on the couch while they teach me about every.single. Pokemon character. Snivey Basic Level has 60 health (don’t ask me what that means). I’m finding as I come alongside what they are interested in, the bickering and whining lessens. And some days, it doesn’t. And for those days, there’s Ellen. Bless.

There have been some challenging relational connections, and ideas I’m trying to create that aren’t working. I refuse to perform to be noticed, but on some days, I just plain feel invisible.

I’m wrapping up months of writing this book, an intentional season of focus and creative outpouring, and I’m ecstatic to send the manuscript off to my editor (cue dance party).

You see, I’m good until I look around and spy the comparison mirror reflecting what I’m not doing well.

I start to panic when I realize I’m more of an introvert than I used to be, need more tank-filling, deep conversations, and trees overhead than my younger years.

Comparison Voice says, If you’re a good wife, mom, friend, (you name it), you’d be having playdates and watching your friends’ kids and hosting more and pushing yourself to get out there and be more involved.

To which I reply, I can’t in this season. And I feel great about this decision until I look around and hang my hat on you, Miss Comparison. It’s only then, I hear you shout loud,

You don’t measure up.
You don’t do relationships well.
You’re a hermit.

I’m content in my skin until I pay heed to comparison. Which helps like never.

Sunday our pastor gave a great sermon, and the heartbeat of what I took away was

So I’m starting there. I’m choosing to focus on what God is calling me to do. And be. How he wants our family to love. And in this season, it’s simple, and more quiet, and hard, and in it, He is near. I’m trying to focus here, rather than shifting my gaze to what everybody else is doing. ‘Cuz looking there, I’ll get lost. Discouraged. Doubtful.

Weeks ago I power-walked around our neighborhood listening to a Robcast where he shared about how each person has their own path. Often we try to win people into understanding our path and they just don’t get it because they are focused on their path. I notice when I gaze from my path and start to wander onto someone else’s, I feel off, I feel out of sync. It’s because I’ve strayed from where God has me.

Comparison does that.

Where do you find yourself comparing? What would it look like to quiet the comparison voice by focusing on where He has you in this season? To step onto the path He has for you and find your rhythm?

The only way to quiet Comparison’s voice is to cling. To stay. To remain. Even when it’s hard.





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  • Reply Judy Speakman April 14, 2016 at 7:12 pm

    Very wise Becka! Thanks!
    Love ya!

  • Reply Rebekah Pogue April 15, 2016 at 12:48 am

    Bekah- loved this. I feel like I am in the busiest season of my life right at this moment too. I am so blessed that you share your words on paper (a.k.a. blog) do that I can learn too!!

  • Reply Katie Staples April 15, 2016 at 4:35 am

    Lovely post and beautiful thoughts! And you’re just so hilarious. The Pokemon cards 🙂 XOXO

    • Reply bekah April 26, 2016 at 10:20 pm

      Thanks Katie! If you ever have boys, we can have a Pokemon info meeting 😉 xo, Bekah

  • Reply Alyssa April 15, 2016 at 11:48 pm

    This spoke to my heart. I was just having this conversation with my mom today. This is such a busy season for us right now. I feel overwhelmed and lonely! Thanks for putting yourself out there!

    • Reply bekah April 26, 2016 at 10:20 pm

      Alyssa, you are not alone. You are no doubt doing an awesome job even if it doesn’t feel that way. One step at a time, friend. xo, Bekah

  • Reply For Your Weekend - emily p. freeman - April 23, 2016 at 11:20 am

    […] How to Quiet the Comparison Voice by Bekah Jane Pogue […]

  • Reply Christine B April 23, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    This was exactly what I needed to hear! (Found you through Emily Freeman.) I didn’t even realize I was comparing myself, but I kept thinking that I should be doing this or that even though I don’t have the energy for it. Perhaps I should realize that my introverted self is doing exactly what I need to be doing (or not doing!) 🙂 Thank you for this!

    • Reply bekah April 26, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      Christine, I’m affirming that you are doing your best AND giving you permission to celebrate who you are. Your introverted side and all. xo, Bekah

  • Reply melissa April 23, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I love everything about this post, probably because I can relate. * And a thank you to Emily Freeman for sharing your link.

    • Reply bekah April 26, 2016 at 10:16 pm

      Melissa, we’re in it together for sure! Thank you Emily for connecting us. xo, Bekah

  • Reply Jen April 23, 2016 at 2:39 pm

    So true! I find that when I’m tempted to compare, I remind myself of what I want for my family and it helps me stop looking at what others are doing. Time in God’s Word daily helps, too. But every day is a challenge, for sure!

    • Reply bekah April 26, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      Jen, love your point about “what I want for my family.” Such wisdom. Thanks for sharing. xo, Bekah

  • Reply Cathy Baker April 23, 2016 at 10:26 pm

    This is my first visit to your site but it’s not my last. I resonate with so many of the points you shared in this post. I look forward to visiting again soon (and your new book!). Blessings!

    • Reply bekah April 26, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      Cathy, thank you so much for visiting. Welcome and hugs and hope to keep in touch. xo, Bekah

  • Reply Meghan April 24, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Love this! Do you mind telling me the title of the Robcast?

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